Comments on: Winter Rain, part 1

By: Gabriel Gadfly

Gabriel Gadfly — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 03:46:56 +0000

I enjoyed this opening. Very awkward scene. I love the shifts in thought in this bit:

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I just . . . don’t think we should do this any more.”

The painting behind her is ugly. Whorls of green and grey, an undertone of blue. Somebody’s idea of modern abstract. Somebody with no taste.

By: Chris Poirier

Chris Poirier — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:40:18 +0000

Hi Kathleen,

Good to hear from you. I don’t actually write with an intentional rhythm, although that doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t one there. Not so much with Winter Rain (which is meant to be a bit hard and raw in style), but with most of my writing, I like the words to “flow” — which has at least something to do with the way things sound to me when I’m reading them out loud. So, I may well unintentionally be putting rhythm into it.

In this case, though, Winter Rain is pretty much a first draft. I mean, some stuff gets rewritten before I post it, but never after. My goal with this one is to tell an interesting story, driven by characters and informed by a complex setting. It’s most important for me to keep moving forward with it, because if I stop to edit it, past history tells me I’m likely to lose myself in a vicious cycle of rewriting, instead of actually finishing the story.

That all is not to say there will be a second draft — I’m not sure there will be. This is my webcomic, after all — when it’s done . . . I’m not sure I’ll be able to nor have the interest to make it something different than it is.

But Winter Rain has been a great experience for me. I learn something almost every time I sit down to write, and it’s nearly a year in and I’m still enjoying telling the story. I’m not looking for it to end any time soon.

Thanks for commenting!

Chris.

By: Kathleen Maher

Kathleen Maher — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:03:57 +0000

As you must be used to now—everyone’s opinion being different—I disagree with Sara above. Only tone down rhythm if it’s so strong as to be distracting or if it’s at complete odds with the story. A sing-song rhythm when you’re aiming for sophistication might be an example, but even there it might lend a compelling counterpoint.
My own rule (which is nothing to go by since I hold no hope of achieving the kind of success I long for) is to dispense with any rhythm I’ve contrived. If I’ve worked on it, most likely it’s unnatural. Then, too, I’ve written in the voice of a few characters who indulged their rhythmic tendencies shamelessly. They needed to be toned down, but then they knew that.
If you’re writing in a child’s voice, go light on rhythm, however. It’s so natural to those younger than ten that your dialogue runs the risk of sounding too real—as if you tape recorded a nursery schooler.

By: Ian

Ian — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:59:59 +0000

That is a great opening. There is just one wrong word in there and it’s ‘cringe.’ It just doesn’t fit. I don’t mind the ’so’ so much

By: Chris Poirier

Chris Poirier — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 23:36:58 +0000

Hi Sandra, Cool. I hope you enjoy it! Let me know, either way. Thanks!

By: Sandra Fowke

Sandra Fowke — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 23:30:47 +0000

Wow. You have my attention. There’s something very hypnotic about your writing style when the part came to an end I had to blink a few times to pull out. I’ll definitely read on

By: scarletstarlet

scarletstarlet — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:37:39 +0000

hey chris,
thanks so much for supporting NOISE. your site looks interesting, will definitely be back after the shoot, if we ever manage to come out alive! how did you find us? best wishes.

By: Chris Poirier

Chris Poirier — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:31:51 +0000

Yep — credit’s in the “This Entry” sidebar.

By: lethe

lethe — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:23:31 +0000

Nice new graphic on the header. Did you find an illustrator?

By: lethe

lethe — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 01:06:05 +0000

I’m beginning your online novel, Chris. Looking forward to seeing where things go from here . . .

By: Chris Poirier

Chris Poirier — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 15:18:19 +0000

Hi Sara, Tiergan (as you’ll find out he’s named) is male. I don’t know how much of either “decent” or “mature” he’ll live up to in the coming pages, but I’ll leave that up to you to decide. It’s great to hear from you again! Thanks for reading.

By: Sara

Sara — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:09:38 +0000

I like the strong rhythm in the narration. Although I’d tone it down a little, I like the sense of jagged distress. I loved the visual details: the abstract painting which seems to embody the narrator’s state of mind and situation. Undertones of blue. I’m worried for him. (presuming it’s a guy narrating). I liked the gleam on the cup handle. The narrator seems to be fairly decent and fairly mature and I’m interested to see what happens to him.

By: Chris Poirier

Chris Poirier — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 18:23:01 +0000

Agreed on the “so” — it’s been bugging me, too. As for the other, either usage is valid. Thanks for the feedback.

By: srsuleski

srsuleski — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 18:13:01 +0000

I like the mood of this — it’s very awkward and and intriguing — I really feel the narrators guilt. And the part with the painting — noticing inconsequential details like that when he’s trying to avoid the conversation at hand — is a nice touch.

Rather fittingly, I’m listening to Trouble by Coldplay right now.

Couple small thiings (I would have noticed these last night if I wasn’t beat)

When we first met, her eyes were so full of joy and light.

The “so” sticks out as unnecessary.

I can’t meet her gaze any more.

Pretty sure anymore should be one word.